Georgia Chainsaw Massacre

AO: 3rd F

When: 07/23/2023

QIC: Seaman

PAX (6): Honk, Janeway, Komrad, Rocket, Seaman, Mrs. Frizzle


The Sky unleashed its fury across north Forsyth County Thursday afternoon – “the worst destruction of this nature in our area for the past 85 years” per the electric company – leaving YHC & the fam in the dark for the next 36 hours along with some significant work looming – including a large tree peeled back in multiple directions like a banana in the front yard (that’s going to need a professional) and the neigbor’s large tree from their back yard, now 95% laying flat across our back yard, wiping out some privacy fencing along the way (among other issues).

Normally we wake to the sound of gentle mooing from the cows in the pasture near the entrance of our neighborhood… but since The Storm we’ve woken daily to a chorus of chainsaws (and larger tree-eating equipment) rising their song to The Sky from which The Storm came.  This weekend was our first of two opportunities to add to their drone.

Looking for recommendations from local PAX for companies able to deal with our mess (for which we are grateful), Seaman DMed YHC and said “let me come over and help.”  We set Sunday for what we both knew would be a BD of epic proportions.


To make things a little easier for when Seaman arrived Sunday, Honk & YHC spent quite some time Saturday cutting all the smaller branches off the large tree in the backyard, saving what we could for firewood, and tossing the rest and all the “spinach salad” over our back privacy fence into the wildnerness area which is part of our property.  Honk and YHC got into a nice cadence of “cut, toss; cut, toss; cut save; cut toss; repeat until sick of doing it.  I guess I was doing the down motion of a merkin and Honk grave diggers.  The chainsaw we were using became known as “The Little Chainsaw Who Couldn’t” come Sunday because we discovered it was not up to the task at hand.  Seaman was a little upset that we did all the easy stuff before he arrived but took it in stride.

The Thang:

Seaman arrived 0900 and we worked continuously until 1500 with a 1 hour run to hardware stores at 1100.  Mrs. Frizzle had graciously made lunch but the project was so large and we had to be so on task to complete the mission before the M timer went off that we skipped lunch.  Seaman brought two chainsaws, one borrowed from his BIL which was supposed to be “THE CHAINSAW” but apparently it was a contract worker as it decided to only work 1 hour the entire day.  Seaman boasted pre-BD re: his other chainsaw, “Aldi Special”, and admittedly it did most the work, although since it needed a 2 minute rest break after every 60 seconds of sawing it was re-named “Union Aldi.”

Rocket did an awesome job of ferrying all the smaller cut wood from where Seaman and I were working to a wood pile we created along the fence.  When Honk joined, the cuts of wood were getting too large for 2.0s to move, Rocket and Honk commenced rake up duty, raking all the mess into piles and tossing over the fence.  They continued this, unprompted, the entire time Seaman & I were running to the hardware store, so that when we returned the back yard actually looked like a back yard and not a bowl of spinach.  Made this Dad proud.

The trip to the hardware store was fairly uneventful, and we were impressed how Bidenomics has resulted in a larger dollar (but still 10%) discount for veterans.

By time Komrad returned from Gainesville and joined the fun, we were down to the final 15′ of the two trunks of the tree along with the stump (in the neigbor’s yard, but twisted across our fence line and interfering with our ability to prop up the remains of the privacy fence until repairs can be done.  These trunks were massive and Seaman had the grand idea of cutting them into various weights to be personalized & gifted to Dawson sub-region PAX as coupons.  We, of course, cut a 150 lb trunk for SirMixalot so he will not have to purchase that weight of sand bag he has been longing for.  We decided on a 200+ lb coupon for Script Kiddie… just because.  Seaman, getting weary of sawing the ~1.5′ diameter trunks, proposed a we host a BD at my home and have all the PAX pick up the remaining 10′ long trunks and rifle carry them to our wilderness.  I told him it was a splendid idea, but we cannot host a BD at my home, even the great Ruck BD with pain stations I’ve had planned for over a year followed by a full breakfast spread prepared by Mrs. Frizzle, because a DR PAX might show that Saturday at Main Street Park unannounced.  Dang red tape.

We finally made it to the massive, gnarly stump and the final smaller trunk which was still standing high in the Sky but precipitously leaning over our yard.  Against all wisdom (which had exited stage left in our exhaustion) we decided (in consulation with our neighbor) to drop to drop his treee into his yard rather than ours.  He agreed.  Once gravity took over, depite all wrangling a roping, the remaining trunk and branches of the tree fell squarely along the top of the remainder of our standing privacy fence, mostly on our side.  Fortunately, nothing further was damaged and Seaman, YHC, Komrad & Mrs. Frizzle were able to strenously lift the trunk, it’s branches and spinach off the fence and topple into the yard from which it came.

It was at this point I learned that Seaman has been holding back at Firehouse & Starting Line BDs.  The M alarm was starting to sound and the fun factor was nearing zero, so after some final cuts with the saw, he essentially lifted the entire massive, three trunked stump off and out of the ground, and tossed it the 12″ required to clear our fence line.  It was an AWESOME feat of MAN.


We ended with thanksgiving all around, for while the mission looked doubtful at times, it was accomplished; someone can now come fix our fence and our back yard is mostly clear (there is still some seriously hard work to do, but manageable in the coming days).  What was accomplished today could not have been accomplished apart from contribution of the full Team, and Seaman led the way.  I would recommend Seaman for a promotion, but he just received that in becoming Weasel Shaker.  I floated the idea instead of a potential re-naming, perhaps from Seaman to He-Man, Paul Bunyon, or what seemed to reasonate with Seaman: Lumberjack.  That’s for the PAX to decide; just throwing it out there.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

Was this a first F?  Ohhhh, yeah.  Was this a second F?  You bet.  Was this a third F?  I think so.

This was F3 in action.

Gratefully & with T-Claps to Seaman…

Janeway out.

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