The Norsemen Take Round 1 in Ultimate Dodgeball

AO: Norseman

When: 06/23/2022

QIC: Ha-ha

PAX (37): Birdie, Blistex, Callahan, Chapter 11, Cookie, Crikey, DeLorean, Devito, Dr. Rico, False Start, FannyPack, FICO, Ha-ha, HotSauce, Huckleberry, Jethro, Lil Hurt, Longshanks, lumbergh, MillerTime, Nacho Libre, NRA, Orvis, Pinkey, PitStop, Pumba, Shooter, Stu, TMI, TO, Walkie Talkie, Wilson (Scott Christopher), Wayward Son, Gaupo, FNG Crawlspace, FNG Algae, Reynolds


It was time. The dispute had been brewing for some time. When The Norseman started we were the “cute” new kid. The little AO with 4-6 PAX, sometime less. Occasionally some HIM from Rubicon would throw us a bone and come up and visit.  But the men of the north persevered. We grew stronger in adversity. Rubicon rested on their “first in Alpha” laurels and grew soft and lazy. The men of The Norseman grew hard as we struggled to gain a foothold. And we climbed. We EHed. We found new champions that pushed our membership to higher and higher numbers. The men of the north lifted our “buttered” cinders and flipped tractor tires. We tossed girlfriends and ran through a park that is just shy of 1 mile end to end. We started to win rather than just compete. The men of Rubicon took notice, but not enough.  Soon The Norsemen averaging more PAX than the mothership. We had become a legitimate contender to the title. So it was time. To climb into the ring for a winner takes all bar fight know as…


Ultimate Dodgeball

To determine who is the King of Alpha Central.


After prepping the playing field where thousand of Rubiconian tears would fall, I met the men at the flag right at 0530. A thorough disclaimer was given. There would be sweat and tears… maybe blood. Don’t write checks your body can’t cash (though some would).

Mosey off to the big lot. Circle up and it was evident that the Norsemen had the numbers looking at the sea of white shirts. Yes, as the hosting team we had put aside our badass black Norseman F3 shirts and came as a rag tag group in white.  This befit our underdog attitude that had served us so well this far.

  • SSH
  • Weed Pickers
  • Imperial Walkers
  • Calf Stretch

Then we moseyed down to the field and lined up on the side line for sprints of increasing intensity.

  • 50% effort
  • 60%
  • 70%
  • 80%
  • 90%


The Thang:

We circled for instructions and since there were many more Norsemen than Rubiconians we had to give up some players to the black team. Trying to be as fair as possible I picked the first 6 or 7 white shirts I saw which as it turned out included some key Norsemen talent. Doh!

Since YHC has not given any clues as to what Ultimate Dodgeball rules were, I made up… I mean told everyone the rules:

The field is sideline to the far hash and from goal line to the 50. A Lacrosse goal is placed at the goal and 50 plus add 10 yards behind each and is the field of play. The goal is to get 3 of the 5 dodgeballs into your opponent’s net. Once a ball goes in it stays there until that game is decided.  If you get hit with a ball you are out. Moved off the field to the sideline and perform 10 Burpees and then you can rejoin. Throw a ball and miss, you are out for penalty Burpees. Blocked throw with a ball and the man who threw it is out. If the ball goes out of bounds then the team that last possessed it turns it over to the other team. Like Ultimate Frisbee you get 3 steps after you catch the ball before you have to stop or throw the ball. A dropped pass and the thrower is out for penalty Burpees. Limit contact to NBA level (which is either mugging is OK or a pinky finger touched my wrist while I had the ball so fowl). It degraded as the game progressed.

Rubicon as the visitors took the far goal to defend, everyone lined up on their goal line and on command the game starts with a sprint to the balls.   Quickly the rabid Rubiconians attacked the balls and pushed towards the goal of the gentleman Norsemen. The Norsemen seemed to be playing flat footed but we had climbed the mountain to get here. To be considered equal to the might of the mothership yet still hold our own in the face of adversity. But the first game went to the Rubicon.  The penalty for a loss is to perform Burpees while the winning team runs a lap of the field which the Norsemen did.  With spit and vinegar round 2 ensued. Alas, though the Norsemen fought valiantly they fell behind 2-0. More strategizing and game three started. A plan was forming.  A new found strategy to beat the speed attack of the Rubiconians. But, alas, once again our heroes fell to 3-0. It was starting to work but something was wrong.

After a review of the teams a count showed an acute imbalance in the numbers! The Rubicon had 6 more players than the Norsemen!  Maybe it was not that our heroes were less than the Rubiconians but that we were playing with an arm behind our backs! Taking back 2 key Norsemen (Shooter and Dr. Rico) we headed into game 4.  It looked hopeless but we had been here before. Had we not climbed the mountain? Had we not pushed back the invading hordes to claim our place in Alpha Central? Was it not our time to prevail?

Game 4 started and a plan was coming together. Making sure to get to the balls first and making better use of our 3 steps after catch the Norsemen started making up ground.  With the Rubicon goal under attack from multiple sides the ball hit the net and scored (and at least one Norseman hit the goal and scored!) 3-1! The Norseman had a plan and continued to work it.

Game 5 and the plan was really starting to click.  Using superior ball handling technique the Norseman pushed down the field despite a fusillade of fire that send multiple men to the penalty sideline for Burpees. But when one fell, 2 were there to take their place! 3-2!

Now the Rubiconians were nervous. There manhood was being challenged by the young upstarts for North Park! They needed to put the next game away. So they played dirty! As the ball neared the goal Crikey, that tender man of God, was assaulted by an evil Rubiconian. A scrum ensued. The rabid attack dog of the Rubicon was pulled off our tender hearted Norseman and a goal was scored. And another and a third!  The heroes had tied up the match 3-3.

With only minutes left it had to be decided! The balls were lined up at midfield. The count down came! On your marks! Get set! GO! Sweaty flesh flashed across the field. Men gave their all for their teams. Nothing was left behind. All thoughts of saving their bodies for the walk back to the car were gone. Nothing would do but to win! Men were tagged with such force from dodgeballs that their mothers winced miles away in their beds. Dogs howled in the distance. Vultures circled overhead waiting for an easy meal on the carcasses left behind. Feet thundered on the turf. Goals were scored. First 1, then 2. Could the upstart beat the wise old dog. The final ball was thrown and it hit the back of the net and one team cheered in victory, the other looking on in disbelief as THE NORSEMEN DEFEATED RUBICON! Women and children ran onto the field and flung their arms around sweaty necks. One Norseman almost committed to marriage (Shooter). Old men dropped their canes and danced for joy. The mighty Casey had struck out.  No joy in Mudville tonight. There is a new king of Alpha Central. An his name is…




Thanks for coming out. It was great fun and no one died and everyone walked to their cars which is a plus!

If you want to run in the BRR, Sept. 8-10, let me know. We have an open spot.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

There is nothing that pushes men to get better than competition.  Whether it is in sports, work or home.  Thank you for pushing me to get better. You men are why I keep coming back.

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