AO: AlphaRuck

When: 06/04/2022

QIC: Zohan

PAX (6): Birdie, Decal, FannyPack, Speedo, Splinter, Zohan


With some late drops due to sickness (Stroller) and work (DC2) we were expecting a small crowd since it seemed like every other rucker in the area is at the beach this week.  But a couple of late additions (Decal and Splinter) gave us a nice-sized crew.


After some car logistics were attended to, we all ended up at the Gladiator where Birdie led us in a nice warmup.  However, he forgot that he was also supposed to lead us in a short workout session as well.  Super-shy Zohan stepped in and came up with something he calls ‘4 Corners’.  It involves an exercise at each corner of a quadrilateral…very complicated.  Here’s what was called:

  • HR merkins
  • Monkey humpers
  • Big boy sit-ups
  • American hammers alpha

We started with 20 at each corner then went down to 15 then 10 then 5.  Contact Zohan for insights and pro tips on this novel exercise.

The Thang:

We geared up and headed out toward the Boneyard.  YHC brought a shovel flag for better visibility for the group.  We got a ton of car honks along the way, most likely from other F3 guys, veterans, and/or patriots among us.  We also got at least one “what the %^&$%$ are you doing walking down the side of the road” honks.  He’s obviously a sad clown who needs F3.

We rolled into the Boneyard and headed straight for the playground as all kids do.  There was a lone guy sitting there and he cautiously watched us as YHC (who was also QIC at this stop) told the pax they could drop their packs or leave them on if they wished.  Shockingly Zohan tried to get the guy to join us for swerkins and step-ups (20 then 15 then 10 then 5) but a language barrier prevented his message from landing clearly.  YHC stupidly left my pack on for the first round of swerkins (basically a Mike Tyson with your legs up on a swing) and quickly took it off after that.  The guy watching us was using his limited English to try to encourage us, but he stopped short of joining us.  He finally got up and walked away with a cheer of ‘Go USA!!’ to keep us motivated.

We headed over to a coupon pile near the playground and grabbed something to curl.  We complete 30 curls and then 30 skull crushers.  Rinse and repeat. We then did 20 of each followed by 10 of each.  The rocks were replaced and we headed back to our packs for a quick water/food/bio break.  We had heard our brother Shiner loud-mouthing it (another shocker) in a pick-up soccer game so we made sure to ruck through his game and say hello.

The next stop was Ocee park but not beat down here.  Just a stop for food/water/bio.  The wind picked up for a bit here and it felt glorious.  We also learned the difference between beef jerky and biltong.  Not sure how I went this long without that knowledge but now I know (and biltong is amazing).

After our short break, we geared back up and headed for the Widowmaker, the last stop for all but two of us.  We met a guy along the way who saw the American flag and proudly announced he was an Eagle Scout.  He quickly explained many intimate details of his life including how he was kicked out of school for smoking pot and he never graduated and the flag looked cool and it was hot but he was chilling and it’s cold in space so he was feeling like an astronaut.  All of this while we waited for the crosswalk signal.  We all agreed he might have dabbled in the wacky tobacky within the last hour or so.

We encountered a lot of F3 guys coming back from the Widowmaker beat down and even saw a few of them at Bagel Boys.  They apparently could smell us coming since none of them would come within 50 yards of us as we walked by.

Zohan had the Q at this final stop, and we ended up at the bottom of the Widowmaker.  He instructed us to perform 5 burpees then lunge walk 10 steps with our packs.  At the next stop, we did 5 burpees and 10 merkins with the packs on followed by the 10 lunge steps.  Following this same pattern, in the next round, we added 15 ruck curls. Then 20 kettle swings and finally 25 flutter kicks.  Zohan mercifully called an audible and said we did not need to come back down the ladder as originally planned.  This was a really tough way to end the CSAUP but it was fun at the same time.  I know many of you guys understand this sentiment.


A few comments from the men after the event:

The main point of a CSAUP (and it definitely has one despite the claim in the name) is male bonding. I think today’s CSAUP achieved that. The conversations I’ve had today with the different men went deep and personal. The honks and appreciation of passing drivers, a youth who seemed just a bit high, the weather that was just perfect in the morning, the pain in the feet as we pushed through the last mile. This is the type of workout we’ll remember years later, a shared experience of pain and joy…Zohan

Awesome morning getting to know some great men!  The pain is real three hours later.  No regrets…Fanny Pack

The ruck was difficult and the workouts were tough but the time spent with these men made it so much fun.  If you have not participated in a CSAUP I encourage and challenge you to try it.  Later this summer we will be having the memorial CSAUP workout to honor Darth Visor.  Look for details on Slack and make that a priority if you can.

–Speedo out


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