Burpees for Congress

AO: Gladiator

When: 05/10/2022

QIC: Scratch-Off

PAX (17): Bo Knows, Cheneral, defcon2, Delicious, DREAMER, Fire Drill, Hitchcock, Ironhead, Laces, Macbeth, RaspberryPi, Scratch-Off, Speedo, Tebow, Brownie, Scoville, Doug


It’s election season, folks. The time every couple years where old-school broadcast TV and Radio actually hit their budget due to the billions of dollars spent evangelizing the good news of “Not being the other guy…or gal… Not being the other person.” That’s where this BD starts.

YHC, with family, was on his way to a Mother’s Day service at the local worship gathering of choice when he passed by the East Roswell Library. Where by chance, he saw what could be understated as a smattering of campaign signs lining the sidewalk around the intersection of Holcomb Bridge and Fouts. In this particular case, “a smattering” is approximately 162 on one side of the road. A number that the men of the Gladiator would soon get to know intimately.


First, disclaimer. Always. Then, a last-minute decision to warm up by the flags proved gracious to allow a couple of stragglers to join without wondering where we went. One of the stalwart HIMs present mentioned the saying, “if you can’t be on time, get there when you can.”

Warm-Up was the standard: side straddle hops, weed pickers at an appropriate speed, squats, world’s greatest stretch, and MORROCAN NIGHT CLUBS.

If I type it in caps, the red squiggly doesn’t politely inform me that it’s Moroccan… Wait…not “I”, YHC.

Then, the PAX moseyed through the woods to the library.

The Thang:

The PAX, gathered at the library parking lot, suddenly overwhelmed by a “few” items present: the aforementioned 162 campaign signs, a 45lb kettle bell, a 50lb cinder, and a 35lb cinder. Now, back in my day we, or our secretaries, would have typed 45#, but I didn’t want the kids these days to wonder was a 45-hashtag kettle bell was.

Anticipation was rising, so the Q quite eloquently spelled out the mission. We are leaders in our community. Leaders take part in their civic duty armed with as much information as possible, so researching candidates is crucial. Leaders also need to hold their candidates/future leaders accountable. And also, F3 HIMs know that the number of burpees you can do directly correlates with your leadership capacity. With 2 weeks until the Spring Primaries, it was time to get to work.

We counted off by 2s (eventually), and split up into groups that would start on the Left and Right. The Q mentioned if they didn’t like what side of the aisle they were slotted for, they could just turn around, but that’s more of a visual joke that probably won’t make it into the BackBlast.

Then, split up into groups on either end of the sidewalk, we did a burpee at every campaign sign.

Sometimes research and holding candidates accountable, can get mentally and physically exhausting, so there was an option to take a break at the equipment station by running around the parking lot and choosing 1) Kettle Bell Swing Votes, 2) American Hammers…waffling back and forth, Left and Right, and 3) Chest Presses. No pun on the chest presses; it’s just beach season.

After realizing that our PAX were pretty set in their way and didn’t need to take a break, the Q decreed a forced “break” every 10 signs or 10 burpees.

And that’s it. We did 162 burpees, ran around a parking lot, and went back to the flag for Mary. I’m now realizing how much shorter this BackBlast could have been.


  • Congratulations & prayers for Speedo as our NEW NANTAN!!!
  • Prayers for Raspberry as he starts his new job soon!
  • Prayers for Laces for his new role & responsibility!


Naked-Man Moleskin:

This was so much fun. Pretty sure I was giggling the whole time because it sucked so much. I would say, “WHO WOULD MAKE US DO THAT MANY BURPEES,” but we know that 162 is barely over half what Shiner made us do last Spring. So maybe the question is, “WHY DO WE NEED SO MANY CAMPAIGN SIGNS?” Jiminy Crickets.

And in closing, remember, vote for that guy. Because he’s not that guy.


Scratch-Off, out.

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