False Advertising

AO: Rubicon

When: 02/03/2022

QIC: Speedo

PAX (8): Caffey, Cart Path, Hollywood, Lefty, No-See-Um, Speedo, Stiff Arm, Turbine


YHC had been beaten down at the Rubicon several times but never delivered the beating so I grabbed a spot on the Q sheet and started planning.  Rain and the upcoming Hillseeker threatened the numbers but 8 PAX posted…7 of them showed up to see if Pamela Anderson would post based on my pre-blast gif.  They would be sorely disappointed…literally.

Disclaimer was given and we were off.


Mosey down near the tennis courts for a warmup including:

  • Weed pickers x10 IC
  • Imperial Walkers x10 IC
  • Moroccan Night Clubs x10 IC
  • Covids x10 IC

Since there was a wall right there we added some more fun:

  • 5 donkey kicks on the wall then hold feet on the wall until Q says stop
  • Repeat with 10 donkey kicks and a longer hold
  • Repeat with 15 and even longer hold

The wall was incredibly slick for some reason but fun was had by all once we figured out how high to place our feet to avoid face-planting on the pavement.

The Thang:

Mosey down Wills Road to the community garden where YHC had dropped four sturdy water jugs with a to-be-disclosed later weight.  We split into two teams.  One PAX from each team grabbed the jugs and headed back down Wills while the other PAX performed 5 burpees, 10 merkins and 10 squats then ran to catch up to the jug-carrier. The next PAX would grab the jugs and the remaining PAX would repeat the 5/10/10 exercises.  YHC audibled along the way after realizing the instructions were not as clear as they could have been.  This journey took us all the way back to the flag and then to the FOD.

Based on the PAX count we split into a new set of two teams, with team 1 starting at first base and team 2 starting at second base.  PAX were instructed to complete the following as a team:

  • 200 merkins then travel to next base
  • 200 squats then travel
  • 200 BBSUs then travel
  • 100 burpees then travel

Travel options were bear crawl, crab walk, lunge walk, and broad jumps.  The fun twist YHC added was that the jugs had to keep moving so one PAX was always ‘running’ the bases with the jugs.  That made the counting fun but the consensus was that jug carrying was even more fun.

Next, we dropped the jugs at home plate and partnered up.  P1 gets in a merkin position and P2 picks up P1’s legs in a wheelbarrow position.  P1 ‘walks’ four steps on his hands then does a derkin, eight steps and two derkins, 12/3, etc. When P1 needs a break P2 drops and starts with 4/1, 8/2, etc. with the goal of each person getting to 40/10.  YHC’s shoulders gave out during the 28/7 round but some guys got all the way to the outfield wall.

We picked up the jugs and traveled to a nearby pavilion where YHC demonstrated the Prison Cell Hand Release Merkin Burpee (PCHRMB) which has been enjoyed by other AOs but never at the Rubicon (by me at least).  It’s like three burpees in one.  It starts like a normal burpee but the merkin is hand release.  Then add a peter parker with the right leg, another HR merkin, peter parker with the left leg, another HR merkin then up…that’s one rep.  We did 10 OYO.  Lots of good mumblechatter with this one.

Back to the flag which unfortunately was laying on the ground so we each paid the 13 burpee penalty.  Since the ground was nice and wet, we finished up with some team mary including:

  • Box cutters
  • Freddies
  • Dying cockroaches
  • American hammers



Prayers lifted up for Cart Path’s issues with car and new home purchase, Devito’s daughter who woke up sick, Hillseeker participants, Stiff Arm’s parents and other needs not spoken.  Praise from YHC for a closed door on one job opportunity that quickly turned into another door opened on the same phone call.

YHC also let the PAX know the jugs were 50 lbs each so 100 lbs total when lugging both of them.

Awesome TNT from Caffey who is reading a book called “The Comfort Crisis”. He shared some wisdom and insights he’s getting from the book.  It sounds like an F3 kind of book and many thanks to Caffey for giving us some nuggets to think about.  Great discussion (and coffee…thx No-see-um).

Naked-Man Moleskin:

Thanks for welcoming me to the Rubicon and for putting up with the fun.  I know I got stronger and hope everyone feels a little soreness at some point today or tomorrow and thinks fondly of my false advertising jug switch-a-roo.

— Speedo out

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