Convicts and Coneheads

AO: Widowmaker

When: 01/08/2022

QIC: Speedo

PAX (13): Boomer, Cox, Funyun, Ha-ha, Morphine, NRA, Saint2O, Speedo, Tenderfoot, TMI, YouTube, Zohan, Slash


Four for a pre-ruck and one lonely pre-runner on a cold (but could be colder) January morning at the Widowmaker.  Lots of PAX rolled in just before 7 and we started and ended with 13 total.  A short disclaimer (or so I thought) was given and we were off.


Mosey to the concession stand for:

  • Weed pickers IC x12
  • SSH IC x12
  • Hillbillies IC x12

Digging into the exicon this week YHC found the Jackass Merkin.  We conveniently had the wall of the concession stand right there so PAX were instructed to find some wall.  Facing away from the wall drop to a plank/merkin position, perform one merkin, and then go directly into a donkey kick against the wall.  Since this was not YHC’s first rodeo we did this OYO x15.  The suck was just beginning.


The Thang:

Mosey to the playground which was approximately 30 degrees colder than the surrounding park. Form a line then drop into a plank position for a morning call.  Pax on each end go to what we refer to as a pull-up bar and count out 5 pull-ups while the other pax stay in a plank and perform 5 merkins.  First two pax return to their original spot and the next two head to the pull-up station.  Apparently, some pax were in no hurry to perform their pull-ups as they sauntered lazily toward the pull-up bar, forgetting that the rest of us were in an increasingly uncomfortable plank position.  A total of 7 rounds of pull-ups and 30 merkins (((5*P)/2)-1) for the numerous GT nerds (redundant I know) in the group.

After a walking 10 count that ended up being a 7 count, we moseyed to the coupon pile by the soccer fields for some you vs. you.  Pax were instructed to find a two-handed coupon.  This took approximately 18 minutes as some were looking for that perfect and warm Windjammer-style stone.  Pax were instructed to curl the coupon to failure (or until 5+ seconds of rest was needed) and then run around the island in the parking lot.  Rinse and repeat with overhead press, skull crushers, and rows.  We started by trying to tell some jokes to forget how strong we were getting but that ended quickly as bicep fires started erupting.  After round 4, pax were instructed to run then perform chest presses on their backs for the six.  The suckiness will continue until the mumble chatter ceases (or 8 am whichever comes first).

Another 10-count (pristine this time) and we moseyed to the bottom of the small hill we call the Widowmaker.  The suck meter was about to go higher.  YHC demonstrated the now-banned (per Morphine) HRPCMB or Hand-Release Prison Cell Merkin Burpee.  It’s like it’s fun cousin the PCMB but merkins are hand-release.  (1) drop to a plank, (2) HR merkin, (3) right leg to right arm, (4) HR merkin, (5) left leg to left arm, (6) HR merkin, (7) bring legs back in, (8) jump up…that’s one.  We did 15.  Partway through, PAX were told that if they lost count to just watch Boomer and when he was done, they only had 10 more minutes to go.  LOTS of mumblechatter during this one including ‘prison would be easier’ and ‘be glad we’re not in the shower’.

Walking 10 count then mosey to the end of the guard rail (THAT guard rail, not that guard rail).  PAX were provided a different way to get to the top of the hill.  Start by performing a crawl bear for 20 steps or to failure (dealers choice) then switch to crab walk then to bear crawl then to lunge walk.  As is customary, YHC had only performed this one in his head and the real experience did not match the plan…and not in a good way.

Walking 10 count then mosey to the pitch where we divided up into three teams.  Each team started a different corner and were instructed to collectively perform 100 merkins, 100 squats, 100 big bois, and 50 merkins then move to the next corner and repeat.  Each team earned a cone (as in a cone-shaped piece of plastic used to herd 4-year-olds playing soccer) for each corner.  Team 3, despite having the travel to the farthest corner to start, prevailed earning three cones. Their prize was a photo of them with the cones on their heads.

Time was mercifully called at 0800.


TMI mentioned a service project opportunity on MLK weekend – check Slack for details.

Prayers for all struggling with covid and because of covid and those who will catch it.

Prayers for Zohan traveling with his son to a debate competition in Birmingham next weekend.

Praises for Zohan’s wife finding a job!

Prayers for wisdom for us all to know how to lead and be ready to lead when (not if) the time comes.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

My hope is that this workout disrupted your day in a good way.  Doing hard things with other like-minded men is disruptive to the culture that wants us to focus on ourselves.  It’s disruptive to our tendency to want to do easy things.  It’s disruptive to our selfish nature that wants to sleep in.  As YHC mentioned this morning, there is no way I would do that workout by myself.  It’s because of you HIMs that I was able to do what I did today.  And thanks be to God for giving me the strength to get through it.  I’m thankful for each and every one of you.

–Speedo out

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