The following tale of the tape is considered by most to be the true storyline of events that took place in the Gloom on that foggy August morning at Big Creek.
The night prior Pax on Slack noticed a number of HCs being thrown down; however, nary a peep was heard from our Q. Our trembling Site Q, Crab Cake, had his first great idea in ages. “If we do not hear from our Q by 9:30 then it will be up for grabs, and if no one take it, I will Q it,” he said.
The clock strikes 9:28. Sure enough, there is our Q bowing out with grace due to nagging injury. YHC, having been itching to Q lately since all the Q sheets filled up, chimed in on the Site Q’s post. “You want to tag team this thing? You take half, I take half. Or are you afraid mine will be tougher than yours?”, YHC said. Crab Cake being the HIM he is, YHC knew he couldn’t resist a challenge like that. Thus, the Great Q Dual of Big Creek was born.
Unfortunately, competition got the better of our Site Q, and things would go downhill for him fast after this. Please continue.
5 PAX (including YHC but not Crab Cake) saddled up for some prerun action.
Clock strikes 5:25, and here comes Swiper. WTF? EARLY…No?!? Turns out he was just late for the prerun.
5:29. Where is our other Q?
5:29:45 theeeerrreees Crab Cake. Unable to sleep due to excessive shivering in his boots leading to no sleep and nearly missing his own BD. Never fear, he’s here. Mosey to the fields.
YHC tosses warmup Q to Crab Cake so YHC can set up cones. (Big Creek is an un-American AO. Love the place, but it has no football fields, only fields for the weird offspring sport of track and kickball).
Thang 1: Inseam’s Q.
YHC declared the first exercise to be 1st and 10s. Having marked off 10 yard lines with cones, PAX would run to the 10 and complete 10 Burpees and 1 Merkin. Then mosey all the way to the opposite goal line, and back to the 20. He would then complete 9 burpees and 2 Merkins. We continued in this fashion all the way down the makeshift football field until we completed the final 1/10 burpee/merkin set.
There was one cavate. YHC being the pusher of men he is, challenged the PAX to not cheat themselves. How? Each Pax would pair up with one other PAX. The two would burpee together, merkin together, and run together. A PAX could not cheat himself without simultaneously cheating his partner. Each PAX was basically playing the role of coach and player at the same time.
At completion, all PAX were gassed. Not a single burpee or merkin was missed. We all sweated pure unfiltered weakness. Most importantly, we ALL ACCELERATED ourselves and our brothers. This routine and this outcome were said to be sheer perfection. The complete embodiment of F3 and the story of true HIM. Crab Cake was worried, to say the least. We all could hear it in his crackling voice.
Thang 2: Crab Cake:
As the great Billy Joel, Crab Cakes favorite artist of all time, once said “But even you can not avoid.. Pressure.” He was feeling the Pressure for sure. Scrabbling, Crab Cake calls for the long indian run back to the flag. Solid move.
Gassed, Pax line up on the tiny hill below the kidney bean. Again, Crab Cake, already admitting defeat in everyway other than verbally, calls for 12s on the hill. (Like YHC’s 11s, but one more in an effort to suck more). Alpha count Bonnie Blairs at the top. Donkey Kicks at the Bottom. Bernie Sanders up the hill each time.
YHC, being the humble, honest, team player he is, admitted that this routine was definitely sucky. YHC even voted for Crab Cake at the end, because he hates Bernie Sanders so much. Nevertheless, as PAX proclaimed at COT, “Crab Cake’s routine bore the extra layer of suck simply because he followed YHC’s masterpiece.”
12s complete, Crab Cake calls for a mosey back to the flag, almost, for a quick set of a new exercise. Hand-In-The-Air-Like-You-Just-Dont-Care-Wolverines. Or something like that. Think Wolverine but sub the peter parker for hand raise. Few sets of this. Couple rings of fire, and that’s time.
YHC will admit. This morning sucked so good.
Prayers continue for Benny’s family. Snowman and his family as they fight their mental battle. #NoOYO. Crab Cakes daughter, as she continues to concuss herself in the most obscure way.
All jokes aside, this morning was awesome. There is nothing like a good competition to really deliver a killer BD. YHC was GASSED. I was light headed for the first time in a long time. This BD is what EVERY BD should be like. We wake up to accelerate each other. Anything less is a disservice to the brother next to us. It sucked, even Crab Cakes portion, but it was a blast! TCLAPS, brothers. Very nice work. And TCLAPS to my Co-Q, that was great!