Board of Pain

AO: The Wreck

When: 02/08/2019


PAX (25): Chalupa, Ariel, Swamp Donkey, Rusty, Foley, Ozzy, Couch, Sellout, Yankee, Haggis, Tweaker, Circus, Rooney, Bieber, Divot, Deadbeat, Virginia Slim, Zima, Doogie, Switch, Crablegs, Mad Dog, Sprocket, Hat Trick, AFLAC


YHC’s office is arranged such that many of his F3 BD props are stashed in a corner, one of which being tall enough to serve as a reminder of what could be should he run out of less brutal ideas.  Sure, we haven’t done the Murph in ages and Slack chatter made it abundantly clear that PAX are not keen on yet another dose of triple 7’s on Malbec Mtn.  No, it was time to cease ignoring the elephant in Q’s office and bring back the Board of Pain.


As 0530 hit with a healthy and boisterous PAX in attendance, mosey up the main drive toward the large parking lot by the football fields for the following:

  • SSH’s
  • Imperial Walker’s
  • Abe Vigoda’s

Short and sweet, as it was time to get down to business.

The Thang:

YHC directed all PAX to retrieve a lifting coupon and select a partner of integrity before heading to the football field.  Upon arrival, Q noticed that his props had been blown over by the wind, so he opted to wait for all PAX to gather for the big reveal.  Resurrecting the “Board of Pain” brought out a healthy round of mumble-chatter, as PAX immediately noticed a nice round of 100 Burpees (performed with integrity) to kick things off.

The instructions were spartan – 100 rounds of each exercise followed by 1/4 mile run outside the fence of the football field. PAX tried to convince YHC that the exercises would be cumulative between partners of integrity, but Q wasn’t about to let that pass.

The roster of exercises included (with song accompaniment):

  • 100 Burpees – Van Hagar: Dreams
  • 100 Overhead Press (w/coupon) – Guns N’ Roses: Welcome to the Jungle
  • 100 Romanian Deadlifts (w/coupon) – AC/DC: Highway to Hell
  • 100 Merkins – Van Halen:Panama
  • 100 American Hammers (2-count) – Rush:Working Man
  • 100 Jump Squats – Metallica: Enter Sandman
  • 100 Diamond Merkins – AC/DC: Back In Black
  • 100yd Crab Walk – Van Halen: Runnin’ With The Devil
  • 100 Stone Mountain Push-ups – STP: Interstate Love Song
  • 100 Bonnie Blairs (single-count)
  • 100 J-Lo’s

As soon as Q lit up the accompaniment of classic rock favorites, it was time to get down to business.  Old man Sprocket was YHC’s partner of integrity and did an admirable job of keeping Q on pace, while Virginia Slim got in plenty of jaw work critiquing Q’s form.

As time approached 0610, YHC directed his partner of integrity to reverse course to assist Q in rounding up all PAX to return coupons and head back to the flag.  After a quick flurry of American Hammer’s to serve Swamp Donkey an honest finish, Q brought up the six with some AC/DC in tow.

With 2 minutes left on the clock, that meant time for a very predictable round of Diamond Merkins (accompanied by some robust mumble-chatter) followed up by some quick American Hammers before Q announced recovery.


  • Prayers for Tweaker’s friend.
  • Continued prayers for Slim’s extended family.
  • Prayers for Foley and his wife that uneventful and healthy days are in their near future.
  • Continued prayers for Sprocket’s sister as she undergoes treatment.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

It is truly and honor and pleasure to lead these men.  The energy that these PAX bring every morning is incredible, and I’m convinced that there is no better way to start your day.  Despite knowing that they’re in for an ass-kicking, there’s no other place they’d rather be than putting in honest work with their fellow PAX.  Amen, brothers!

AFLAC out.

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